I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
