i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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