What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
