i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
