Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
