Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
