well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
