I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
