So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
