i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
