I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
