All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize