i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
