You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize