how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
