hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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