They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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