My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
