i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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