everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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