I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
