I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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