you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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