im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do herpes really smell.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
