Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
