Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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