Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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