Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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