I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
