he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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