I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
