remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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