I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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