So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
