i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
