I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
