I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
