what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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