wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
