Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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