I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
