His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
