"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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