so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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