I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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