return my video game
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
