you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
