girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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