Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
kristin has been a bad kristin
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize