Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
These tits shall not be calmed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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