A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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