Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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