well I can't set my house on fire every night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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