It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
