if you like me you must not know who I am
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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