I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize