I wish I could punch you in the face.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
