We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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