My Higher Power is John Stamos
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
