just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
