I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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