Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
