ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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