I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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