White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's never too late to be topless.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
