I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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