Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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