Non-Jews are for practice
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
