Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
