There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
