The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
