Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
