you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
