Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
