Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
